A brave and beautiful mom by the name of Tonya Adair emailed me on May 21, 2016. I will never forget it. She was the first mom that emailed me about Madison’s Closet. I was in Black Mountain, NC with my husband, son, sister and brother in law with tears streaming down my face as I tried to explain to them all what her email meant to my own grieving heart. Whether we help clothe and comfort 100 or 1,000,000 more moms, Tonya will ALWAYS hold such a special place in my heart as our “first” Madison’s Closet Mom.
Here is her story in her own words…
On October 10, 2015 something I had dreamt about my entire life finally came true…I found out I was pregnant!! That was definitely one of the best days of my life; I still remember exactly how I felt when I saw those two pink lines. Fast forward 16 weeks to February 3, 2016. After what seemed like a very healthy and easy first half of pregnancy, I found out at my 20 week appointment that our daughter was measuring 5 weeks behind. My husband and I were devastated but knew that God’s plan for us would unfold. Although the doctors continued telling me at every appointment that our daughter would not make it to the next appointment, our little fighter continued proving them wrong and although her growth was slow, she was growing. On March 24, at 27 weeks 4 days pregnant, I was admitted to the hospital because my water broke. My doctors had a plan to keep me in the hospital for several more weeks so our daughter could continue growing and have a chance at survival. Just 3 days later; that plan changed. On Easter Sunday, March 27, 2016, we found out that I developed HELLP syndrome and had no other option than to deliver our sweet baby girl. At 9:42pm Keller Grace Adair was born sleeping. She was tiny, only 8.2 ounces and 9 inches long, but she was perfectly formed and absolutely beautiful. Me husband and I were able to keep her with us in the hospital while I recovered and I cherish every single second we had with her. The sad day came when we had to leave the hospital, which also meant leaving our beautiful baby, Keller. As I took a shower (finally) I had to put on the same clothes that I wore going to the hospital. That was heartbreaking. Knowing that the last time I wore those clothes my sweet baby was alive in my belly, and now having to wear them and leave her behind at the hospital, was like throwing salt on the wound. The next day as I was getting ready, I tried on what seemed like my entire closet. Nothing fit! Well, nothing except for maternity clothes. Looking down and seeing my stretched out belly, and having to wear the same clothes that I wore when my baby was active and moving around in my belly, was a constant and painful reminder that Keller was no longer with us. As happy as I was that my baby was in Heaven and never had to feel anything negative, my heart was absolutely broken and I was devastated. The baby I prayed for my entire life was taken away from me before I had a chance to meet her. As sad as I was, wearing “her” maternity clothes made it even harder, and I was getting depressed. I found out about Madison’s Closet through a friend and it made my night. As sorry as I was that Henderson and her family had to experience the loss of their sweet Madison, I was so thankful that she had used her tragic experience to help other Mothers-in-loss. Henderson and I messaged back and forth a few times and I found out that I would be the first mother to receive clothes from Madison’s Closet! When I saw the box of clothes on my porch, I cried. I tried to explain to my husband how much these clothes meant to me, but I don’t think he understood. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been in the situation understood. But, reading the story behind Madison’s Closet and realizing that someone else felt the exact way I was feeling, made me feel better about those feelings. I wore the clothes with pride and even bought a couple of shirts that said “Madison’s Closet” on the front. I love having people ask me what it is, and being able to explain what a wonderful organization Madison’s Closet is. I don’t think I can put into words what the clothes from Madison’s Closet mean to me, but I really feel that they have helped me heal. I have now gotten back into my pre-pregnancy clothes and am returning the clothes, along with some additional clothing, to Madison’s Closet in hopes that they will help someone else along their healing journey, like they helped me. Thank you to Henderson, Madison’s Closet, and everyone who donated their clothing and accessories; it’s amazing how a gesture so small can have the biggest impact on someone’s life. You all are a blessing from God.
